Preparing For IVF-Physically, Mentally and Emotionally

Like many women  I have been researching what types of vitamins, supplements, foods and beverages are healthy and crucial before diving into pregnancy or in our case IVF.  I get asked what types of things I have taken and what I recommend...so here goes!

I highly recommend a prenatal vitamin every day with food.  Along with my prenatal vitamin I take a 400mg pill of Folic Acid.  Last time I had my levels checked they said I had a superb amount to conceive and carry a baby, so that is why I am so keen on Folic Acid.  Folic Acid is also extremely important for the babies growth and development and something so simple can prevent issues such as Spinabifida.

Royal Jelly is my new friend in a jar.  Pictured below Royal Jelly is basically what the queen bee eats and uses to create thousands of healthy eggs every day.  It is a superfood complex and in my research seems to be beneficial in the pre stages of IVF and or conception.  I take one teaspoon every day followed by a big glass of water( it tastes awful to me).
                                                                                   

Drinking plenty of water is critical for anyone on any given day.  Drinking water is a natural cleanser and  also very important during the stimming stage and beyond with IVF.  You should drink at least half your body weight in ounces every day.  While I was going through our first IVF I would by the gallons of water so that I could monitor how much I was drinking.  Sometimes it seems excessive, but it is very important :)

I drink a green smoothie almost every day.  I make them simple and tasty.  Here is my recipe:

1 Cup Fresh Spinach
1 Whole sliced Green Apple
1 Whole Pear
1 handful green grapes
about half a cup of water

*Adding ice could be good, but I like them cool not icy. 

I blend and drink right away :)

Sleeping is always a great healthy way to rejuvenate and regroup mentally, physically and emotionally.  I am still working on getting enough sleep every night!

Have a great day :)

New Beginnings

                                                                        

     


Sometimes we have to get up, dust ourselves off and try again. In our case we have had to maybe 5 or 6 times. I mean it has to work at some point right? We will be able to have our own miracle and put this some what behind us.  At this point I know that the hurt and sadness may lessen but I don't believe it will ever just disappear when we do finally have our babies. The devastation and emptiness that we and I'm sure other infertile couples feel is something that I believe becomes a part of us, part of our story in life.

I literally could not even open up my blog for months after our last disappointment.  I wrote the post about it failing and then hid under my comforter for awhile.  Not only is the IVF failure so upsetting but it is also embarrassing.   I am sure I am not alone in saying that as a women you ask yourself " what the heck is wrong with my body? why did this not work?  how am I supposed to keep trying?"  Among several other questions.

As a I think back and reflect I have felt several emotions, anger at myself and the doctor( I will get into that later), sadness of course, confusion, exhaustion, fear and like comfort eating for at least a month( which I did- chocolate cake galore).

Anger at the doctor stemmed from the fact that I ovulated several of my lovely eggs prior to retrieval.  How could I be in that less than 1% of women who ovulate when they are on several powerful drugs to prevent such an occurrence?  Seriously?  I told the nurse that I had a feeling I was ovulating and that I should trigger 2 days prior to when I ended up triggering.  I know my body and I knew what I was feeling...but I digress.  He kept putting it off so I not only ovulated but also he only retrieved 14 eggs.  To some 14 is an outstanding number and I get that completely.  In my case I had over 30 follicles and I needed just as many eggs because of the issue and genetic testing that would weed all but 1 embryo out.  Yes, only 1 embryo out of the 10 biopsied came back normal.  How disheartening is that?  One sweet little girl, our little fighter made it, but then some how the whole thing failed in the end.

I know that like many women dealing with infertility the biggest question we ask is "why?".  Though we may never get the answer we continue to ask it regularly.

I believe that I am able to write this post and open up about all of this because just yesterday I had a surge of hope and excitement about our situation.  Rogers insurance goes into affect next week and we will have 6 IVF's covered completely!  I called a new doctor and had a phone consult about the process and what we needed to do to prepare etc.  My new doctor will be Dr. Randy Morris, apparently he is top 10 in the nation.   Thank God for such good news.  I will most likely be starting a cycle late December!!!!

I have started taking Royal Jelly which is supposed to be great for egg quality and quantity along with taking my folic acid, prenatals and eating lots and lots of spinach!  If nothing else I feel healthy and vibrant from all of the vitamins!

Keep reading for updates and follow me on my second journey through IVF and PGD.

                                                                            

 

Transfer and Sadness

I write this with such a broken heart.  Our PGD results came back that 1 of 10 was normal.  We were ecstatic that  at least one was normal.  My transfer was set for last Thursday at 2:30 right after we got the results.  We found out that she was a little girl and that she was an excellent hatching blast.  The doctors and nurse were excited for us with how promising she looked.

After the transfer we went to a hotel so I could just lay out for 24 hours straight.  Roger was so sweet and made sure I had plenty to eat :)

The following few days I started noticing symptoms above and beyond the Progesterone symptoms.  However on Tuesday I woke up and felt different.  I was 5dp6dt and decided to take a pregnancy test.  It came back negative.  I immediately began googling and discovered it was to early in many cases for the test to show positive.  The next morning ( this past Wednesday) was my first beta at 6dp5dt.  I woke up and took another test, still negative.  I felt in shock and so angry.  I did not give up hope though believing that this was going to work.

On Thursday July 4th our 5th wedding anniversary I got a call from Mary, my nurse.  She said my first beta came back extremely low( meaning my HCG was not even registering).  We cried all afternoon but continued to hope that Fridays would show some HCG and all would be okay.

We are not uneducated to  the reality of pregnancies, HCG or miscarriages, we have gone through this so many times before.  This however hurt and continues to sit in my heart.  On Friday July 5th Mary called me late afternoon and said the HCG had dropped lower and that the IVF had failed. Everything we went through to this point, all the waiting and praying and begging, the miracle baby girl, it all had failed.  I don't even know how to move on at this point, or what to do next, I feel stuck in this process and so emotionally wrapped up in the past month and really the past 3+ years of sadness and waiting.

I just hope that my blog title comes true for us soon, I am exhausted and so broken right now.

What I Have Waited For....

For the past three years it has been difficult to express to people what I feel in regards to losing our children.  Many people do not understand or see it as a big deal.  They do not understand the pain or the sadness that can sometimes be gripping.  Several times in the past couple years I have gone through the stages of grieving. 

I am sure other infertiles can relate to feeling alone and to crying out to God for help and comfort and for the baby inside of them to keep growing and be a miracle against all odds.  Sadly, in our case our babies did not survive and I miscarried all 4 of them( 3 with ER stays and 1 at home).  Most people who know me have no idea what we have gone through, unless I have opened up and shared our story with you. 

Anyways, I write all this to say our journey has been exhausting and I feel like its time to open up and let others know that I understand, I relate to your pain, I understand your tears and I have probably felt similar to what you feel in the past 3 years as your walk your journey.

Getting back to the title of the post" What I have waited for"... I thought I would share some of the daydreams I have held onto through this all.

 I imagine waking up early in the AM and going into the babies room to marvel at the miracle we were given.  I dream of sitting in my rocker next to the window and singing the sweet baby back to sleep as i fight dosing off myself.  I imagine chasing them around our house as they learn to crawl and walk.  I picture Roger ( with his huge manly muscles) snuggling our little baby at night as we discuss how sweet it is to finally have our baby(babies) that we have waited so long to hold. I have waited to be able to pack the baby into a cute little jogging stroller and go out for a run on a nice spring day.  I want to teach it to be kind and gentle to animals and enjoy being licked in the face by a big dog.  I want to look into the rear view mirror and see a sweet smiley baby looking back at me as we drive to the park( I have looked back so many times to see nothing but seat and have held this thought so long).

As I write these very personal thoughts I feel encouraged that like so many other women we will have our turn.  We will get to have our announcement, our gender reveal, our baby shower and our first day at home looking at each other like " what do we do now" haha.

Holding onto hope is sometimes all we have.  Keep trusting God and it will come to pass.  God knows our desires, He pays attention to every detail of our lives and He cares for us so deeply.

3 Day Update!!

We waited all day yesterday for our 3 day update.  I literally opened my eyes and the first thing I thought was about how all our embryos were developing.  We had 11 fertilize and our hope was that we would have several healthy embryos for biopsy.  After a very long day and dealing with our nerves I finally heard from Mary.

Here is what she said:

* The Dr biopsied 10 of the 11 fertilized.  That means that those 10 were on target at day 3( between 7-9 cells) and were growing very nicely!!!!  One cell from each of the embryos was sent off to Reprogenetics overnight.

As I write this they are being genetically (PGD) tested in NJ as the embryos continue to grow and develop here in Tulsa.

We will hear late tonight or first thing in the morning about the results ( day 5) and then discuss when my transfer will be, either tomorrow afternoon or Friday( Day 6 transfer).  I am trying to be active today since I will be layed up over the next few days.

After the retrieval it is complete bedrest for 24 hours, but in talking to other IVFers I have decided 2-3 days of bed rest is even better.  I want those sweet little embryos to nestle in and implant!!!

A few days ago I joined the Yahoo balanced translocation group.  It is an awesome way to talk with others who have/are going through similar things as us.  Usually I feel out of place or just alone when talking about 4 miscarriages, grief, frustration etc. with fertility.  This board has over a thousand members who can all relate to me.  Its really comforting.  I wish I found this group 3 years ago.

Movie suggestion:  If you haven't already seen it or even if you have you should watch "Facing the Giants".  I cried through it the other night but really felt like we watched it at the perfect time in this process.  The main message is that "Nothing is impossible with God".  If you really think about those words and not just in a cliche "I've heard that before" sense it is a very powerful message for everyone, especially during stressful, infertile times.

Hoping for the best news ever tomorrow!!!!

Fertilization Report

Well, I had decided I wanted to sleep in until I got the call with our fertilization report.  It was supposed to be between 11-4pm, haha.  Anyways I rolled out of bed at 9:45 and I received a call from Mary.  She told me that of the 14 eggs, 13 were mature and 11 fertilized.  So now we have 11 fertilized embryos growing!!!

Again, not the number we had hope for, but still 11 embryos growing in a dish in a lab( sigh). 

Tomorrow we wont get a call.  I decided that I need to keep myself busy and my mind occupied!  I need to stay positive and hopeful.

Tuesday I will get a call telling me how many they are going to biopsy and send to Reprogenetics in NJ.  Once there they will be checking for abnormalities.  They will create a report and send it to my doctors who will let me know Wednesday night or Thursday AM.  my transfer should be Thursday afternoon or Friday AM.

At this point I feel completely drained.  Tired physically, mentally and emotionally.  I am still SO sore from the retrieval too :( 

Today I am trusting this will all be worth it and believing for healthy/ normal embryos.

Thanks for reading :)

Egg Retrieval....Not what we Expected

Today we had our retrieval.  To say the least it was not what we expected.  We arrived at 8 as we were told and were quickly taken back to a room.  The nurse came in and went over our new calendar that will take us up until next Friday ( my second beta to determine pregnancy).

Roger and I hung out until they had me get changed and led me to my surgery room.  It all happened so quickly, I was knocked out, they took out the eggs and then i was woken up like 30 minutes later.  All in all we left by 10 AM.

So next comes the disappointing and discouraging news.  They only retrieved 14 eggs.  The first thing I asked when I woke up was "how many eggs did you get"?  When the nurse told me I almost started crying.  Roger was right there telling me it was a good number and that it was okay.  I kept repeating the number over and over. 

How could this happen with so many follicles?  I wondered myself and asked the doctor when he came in to the room.  He said that I had ovulated some of the eggs.  Apparently this happens to less than 1.5% of women going through IVF.  He also said that some of the 30 follicles were small and didn't contain eggs.

I was so mad.  I had felt like I should have triggered earlier then I was told too.  I had a great E2 level and my follicle count was so good.  The doctor said to coast and my E2 level shot up so I couldn't trigger until it went down.  I even told Roger on Tuesday that I thought I should trigger, but I am not a medical professional so it wasn't up to me. I feel like the doctor waited to long to trigger me and that's why I ovulated. 

After sleeping for a few hours at home and talking more to Roger I have calmed down and gained perspective.  14 eggs is a good number, not what I wanted but still good.  Some women would be ecstatic with 14 as their retrieval number.  I just felt heartbroken that some of the eggs had ovulated :(

How do I feel after retrieval?
Can I just say I was not prepared for the pain I feel tonight.  I am SO sore from my belly button down.  The doctor said this is normal because the follicles were drained of fluid and were pushed and prodded with the needle during the retrieval.  I could barely walk!!


Tonight Roger took me to our favorite NYC style pizza place where I get baked ziti( its amazing).   I had taken a pain pill before we left but forgot to take the anti-nausea tablet with it..big mistake!  As soon as we walked in the door I ran to the bathroom and threw up 2 times.

All in all a rough, disappointing, painful day.  Everyday is new though, must stay positive!!!!

What's next?

Tomorrow we get our call with how many eggs fertilized, and the waiting game begins!




Here is the verse I am focusing on tonight : Psalm 138:8 "The Lord will perfect that which concerns me(us)."